Friday, July 15, 2011
I'm getting married.
Darkthrone to play the reception. Yeah, you heard that right. No lie. Fenriz and Ted are flying over to play their only show EVER since 1990 and it's going to be for my fucking wedding. I love her that much that I make the impossible possible. Move heaven and earth? Fuck that, I got Darkthrone to play my wedding reception. What's grandma gonna think? Fuck her. She can think "En Vind Av Sorg" for all I care. You wanna do the cupid fucking shuffle? Fuck you too. You can dance it to "Summer Of The Diabolical Holocaust" just fine. This is a wedding singer's revenge for all the stupid fucking dreck I have had to learn, play or suffer through in the 4 years I've been doing it. They're going to pull that corny "surprise move" and have a "special guest" join them onstage too... and it's gonna be the groom... ME! I'm gonna play guest cowbell on "In The Shadow Of The Horns" and yell NOCTURNO CULTO! real loud right before Nocturno Culto starts singing. I'm really gonna yuck it up too, in exaggerated comic reference to the Saturday Night Live skit. I'll be really drunk and inconsiderate at that point, and will likely fall over onto Ted's microphone stand and it may chip his tooth. People kept asking me "Did you hire your own band to play your reception?" and I've been pretty evasive about answering that question. Well, the answer is no. I hired a band alright, but it's the most important band in the world since the Grateful Dead. It's fucking Darkthrone and they will bring the house down with 2 decades of True Norwegian Black Metal. I've even asked them to play some of the later "punk" stuff and their 2nd set will be a cover to cover performance of "Transylvanian Hunger." I figure since it's all in one tempo, people will just assume it's disco. I had to tell the parents and grandparents that "They're like a cross between the Everly Brothers and the Average White Band." They bit. If anyone's curious, Nocturno Culto chose the prime rib option and Fenriz ordered the salmon for dinner.
I digress. It's been a very good year. My girl and I have both grown by leaps and bounds over the past 2 years and this couldn't come a moment too soon. I am still astounded that someone puts up with me and all my dumb CD's, guitar junk and endless blathering about obscure funk or death metal. If you could all see the state I keep "The Mancave" in, you would know it could only mean love. I have little faith in the concept of "the soulmate." I think there are alot of people in the world and it's all by accident of birth or circumstance to whom we are born to, who we meet throughout life and who works best together. She and I just happened across the best combination in each other and marriage is such an insignificant step in the whole process of life. We've been married for so long at this point, it's just a formality to us... a rather expensive formality. We've both gotten into and out of and back into the spirit of things a few times. I'm just happy to get it taken care of and I am happy that everyone is happy about it. I'm happy she hasn't killed me. I'm happy her cats like me. I'm happy my band hasn't fired me for being an insufferable stress maniac for the past 3 months. I'm happy about all the wonderful developments in the past few years for me. I'm happy my father and I get along and almost understand one another. I'm happy to get to Buffalo and get to meet my newborn niece for the first time. I'm happy my entire family will be at my wedding. I'm happy my fiance's family is actually making the drive as well (we live 5 hours from Buffalo, they live at least 7 hours.) I'm happy all this stuff is working out that I never assumed in my wildest dreams would ever work out for my hopeless clown ass.
...All except that Darkthrone bit, but a boy can wish can't he?